“I learned the truth at 17…” -DHT feat. Edmee

I haven’t listened to DHT in forever. My sister was the one who actually had me hooked on them for awhile.

The year was 2005, the month was December. I was at the midway point of my junior year of college. I was home for Christmas break and enjoying time with my family and studying for the an upcoming graduate admission’s test.

It was the best winter break I’d ever had. I could give various reasons why, which I definitely will, but life was good albeit a little nerve-wracking with upcoming activities. I had an interview for an internship, I was studying, I was hanging out with family, and I spent time catching up with my besties from high school. I had made various friends during the Fall semester and it was a lot less lonelier than my sophomore year of college.

I felt like I was in a good rhythm with my life. I wasn’t exactly comfortable, but I was getting pushed out of my comfort zone little by little. I was in what I felt a perfect spot in my life. Everything was just right.

And this song, my friends, brings all the good memories flooding back. It was developing into a big year for me, but I felt like I could handle everything because I had all the support I needed.

There really isn’t much else to say. I was dealing with typical stuff, a person my age would deal with. I just turned 21, which wasn’t really a big deal for me, but it wasn’t bad. I was dealing with disappointment in the dating and relationships category, but what didn’t work out ended up working out for the better because I ended up dating someone who was a better fit for me.

School was school, I landed the internship I had wanted, so my summer plans were set. I had time to volunteer for a non-profit that I strongly support up until now. It was just a good year overall. Tensions were starting to rise between me and other people, not necessarily in a bad way, but I’ve found out the bigger my social circle is, the more apt I am to eventually disappoint people. It really boils down to this one factor, time. I only have so much time for school, extracurriculars, family, and friends. I was lucky if I was able to talk to my Mom once a week that year, and a few of my friends were calling me everyday discussing things I couldn’t possibly solve or work out for them. All I could do was give suggestions and pray, and maybe looking back on this now, it wasn’t my role to give suggestions when I should’ve really been looking after myself instead of trying to help work out other people’s ish.

I definitely learned how to be empathetic if I wasn’t already. However, really, if I knew now what I did then I probably would’ve opened up to my family first to figure out how to deal with certain friends rather than trying to handle what they were coming to me with on my own. Again, it wasn’t my role, and I don’t think I had the proper training to really help them effectively. I was just putting myself in their shoes and letting them know how I would respond. However, I think what I shared with them may have sounded more like suggestions than putting myself in their shoes.

All I can say is I feel like some of my best friendships developed then, but I also think friendships I had with other people for a longer period of time were starting to evolve and change for the better in some ways, I especially saw that with my high school friends.

I would say it was kind of a selfish year for me, but at the same time I gained a lot of experience and I learned a lot, not just academically. I also think the dating relationship I ended up in towards the end of the school year played a large role into developing me into a better person, and started to help me think more outside of myself and in terms of another person, if that makes any sense at all.

Oh well, fast forward to the present. While priorities have changed a little bit, school and work remain constants…and it’s time for some continued productivity to get the job finished.

Happy Sunday and here’s to a Cavs win over the Pacers tomorrow…today’s game was not amusing in the least.


It’s not manipulation…

This may be up for debate, but I’m very much or learned to be a person who views things from an,”It is what is,” perspective.

I think everyone has the ability to give input or insight into a situation and call it manipulation or what you will, but a person has the right, responsibility, or freedom to choose how he or she responds to a particular situation.

On my part, I can’t say I haven’t manipulated because I’m only human after all, but how I choose to live my life, express my opinions, and thoughts is my prerogative. I consider myself to be a very fair person, and fair doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll treat everyone equally. If you’re familiar with Bible at all, you should check Jesus’ parable about the owner of the vineyard and the people he hired.

Here’s the link to the parable: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+20%3A1-16

I’m a big believer that if you want something in life, you go for it, so please forgive me if you don’t like how I go about doing things, but you’re not me living my life, you don’t know my life story, and you have no idea what goals I’m working towards or what I feel I’m called to do. This isn’t really about me in the end ultimately.

Have a great Saturday everyone! It’s a beautiful day, enjoy it!

Music takes me back…

I like all sorts of music…and I was just watching the a music video of one of my favorite songs from freshman year of college.

Maybe if I wasn’t raised a certain way, I genuinely would’ve been a punk rock sort of a girl…blue highlights in my hair…choosing PacSun over American Eagle…into extreme sports and thrill seeking endeavors…a surfer chick, maybe…a girl who chose snowboarding over skiing, been more of a feminist, maybe becoming a punk rock Christian similar to Colton Dixon.

Not that I can’t engage in all of those activities as the person I am right now, the possibilities are endless…I’m just wondering if may be I hadn’t been so constrained by how “things should be” how else could I’ve been? Sometimes I feel like I should’ve followed a beat to a different drum…

Definitely happy with who I am, but I’m just curious as to how differently I would’ve turned out if I didn’t have such definitive ideas about certain things in life.

I leave you with the song “Echo,” by Colton Dixon. Shoutout to the friend who introduced me to him…his music seems to be resonating with me right now…