It’s a late night with a work project that needed finished and 2 commitments earlier on in the evening. I thought my late nights would be over after undergrad, but that is definitely not the case with work and grad. school.
As I think about “adult things,” as usual my head was running through different trains of thought today…er well yesterday, since it’s a new day, basically.
I was rolling around the idea in my mind about when I eventually meet someone and get engaged and married, which that in itself is a lot to think about.
However, the main idea of what was running through my mind was my career as it relates to marriage and family.
My younger self saw this whole process as fairly simple. Graduate from college, work, graduate school, at some point meet the “right guy”, continue to work, eventually get engaged and married to said “right guy,” have a family, continue to work…
Pretty normal stuff, right?
Sure, until I started asking questions in my mind such as:
“What if I have to put my career on hold?”
“Can I handle being a wife, raising kids, and having a career?”
Again, pretty normal stuff, but I think today or yesterday rather was the first time I ever really thought through the whole working, getting married, having kids, and continuing to work scenario.
And of course, putting my career on hold never really crossed my mind until today, because I’ve been constantly working during and since undergrad to develop my career. However, the thought of me putting my “career” on hold for various reasons kind of upset me. I know this life obviously is not all about me; it’s working with others to contribute to the greater good of society…
However, one event in my life stood out when I was first hit an alternative future not involving working in my current field…
I was on vacation with the person I was dating at the time. It was late one night and I was re-doing my nail polish…as I was painting my nails, my significant other says something to me along the lines of, “Wouldn’t it be nice for you to be a soccer mom?”
Where that comment came from I have no idea…and while I have a great respect for stay-at-home Moms, that comment startled me. Again, it was late, and I remember murmuring something about how I didn’t just go through undergrad with a couple years of post-bac, to not do anything with all the schooling I had put in.
On one level, it ticked me off because I felt like the person who I was dating at the time was trying to dictate my future for me. Obviously things did not work out with he and I for a variety of reasons. However, in all honesty, I feel like being a working Mom is the norm and one shares the responsibilities of the household such as raising the kids, etc, equally with one’s spouse.
I suppose everything I’ve discussed is, “I’ll cross that bridge, when I get there,” however, it’s weird what stress can do to the mind and it’s even more interesting what thoughts one comes up with to cope or distract oneself.
Time to sleep for a few hours…